“I’m tired of being
weak and looking like shit,” Mongo said to Randy as they sat on
the outside serving deck of the Bearded Clam Bar and Grill in
Bayville, Maryland, having lunch and a few beers. It was a hot and
humid Saturday in September, and they had spent the morning fixing up
a goose blind, getting it ready for hunting season, which was only a
few weeks away. They had both finished two large plates of beef
nachos and 2 buckets of Coors beer. The “Clam” – as the locals
called it – served hot steamed crabs, big burgers, and buckets of
ice-cold Coors. Mongo and Randy, now both 45 years old, had been
coming here since they were little kids.
“Yeah?” Randy asked
as he finished another bottle of Rocky Mountain Kool-Aid, half of it
in one gulp. “Yeah,” Mongo said, “I’m too heavy, hovering
around 250 pounds.” He patted his belly. “I have let myself go
and I feel awful all of the time. I’m ready to get back to being
strong again, and in shape. I look okay in a shirt, but when I take
my shirt off, I look bad. And I’m weak as a newborn kitten.”
“I’ve seen you at 250
before, and you were all jacked up and strong, too,” Randy said.
“Yeah, but after I
banged my knee up in that boating accident, I got pissed off that I
couldn’t squat or deadlift for a while, so I turned to beer and
nachos and the couch for comfort. I always felt like a pussy just
going in the gym and doing upper body stuff. We always made fun of
guys like that.”
“You screwed up. You
should have pushed the upper body training,” Randy said, shaking
his head at his friend. “What a piss-poor excuse. You wouldn’t be
so far behind if you had just kept your butt in the gym. But what is
done is done. How is the knee feeling now?”
“I’m good to go. I
did some light squats and deads a few days back and it felt great, no
soreness.” Mongo answered.
“So what are you
gonna do? What’s the plan?” asked Randy.
“Get my fat ass back
in shape,” Mongo said, laughing, “and I want you to write me up a
program.”
Mongo had been training
for as long as Randy had, since he was a teenager, but he never liked
writing his own program. He just wanted for Randy to write it down
and he would get it done. He felt like it held him more accountable
for his buddy to design his program.
“Dude, go ask Lucille
for a pen,” Randy said, pointing to their favorite waitress at the
counter. “We’ll write up your plan right now.”
Randy always got
excited when he wrote up a new lifting cycle both for himself and
others. He could remember getting finished with his powerlifting
meets years back and writing up his next training cycle before he
even left the lifting venue.
Mongo handed Randy a
pen. “Okay, first of all, you have to put some muscle back on. So
getting back into the weight room is the main thing. Let’s get you
on a 4-day-a-week routine. Let’s get back to the basics.”
Randy wrote on the
napkin:
Day 1, Monday
Day 2, Tuesday
- Light press
- Heavy bench
- Incline press
- Bench and shoulder
assistance - Dips or pushups
Day 3, Thursday
- Light squat
- Deadlifts
- Chinups
- Rows
- Curls
- Grip
Day 4, Friday
- Heavy press
- Light bench press
- Bench and Shoulder
assistance - Dips or pushups or
triceps extensions
“Looks good,” Mongo
said, “I have always liked that training split. Where do I start
with the weight choices?”
“Start off light and
gain some momentum,” Randy answered, “Let’s begin by doing 5×5
on all the big lifts. On your top sets, add 5 pounds a week on the
bench and 10 on the squat and deadlifts, at least for the first
couple of weeks while you get used to training again. We can make
bigger jumps later on and we will also drop the reps as you progress
week to week.”
“What about the
assistance stuff?” Mongo asked.
“Doesn’t really
matter,” Randy said. “I know you like to look in the mirror, so
throw some lateral raises and some dumbbell benches and shrugs in
there if you want to, 3-5 sets of 5-8 reps. I’ll leave the assistance
stuff up to you. The big exercises are what really matters. Always
complete all of your reps in the ‘big’ exercises. We will be building
up to a max eventually in the squat, bench, deadlift, and press, so
never miss a rep on those exercises.”
“What about diet?”
Mongo asked.
“Well, just cutting
down from 4 beers a night to 2, and cutting your junk food
consumption in half will be a good start. That alone will cause you
to drop some fat in a short period of time. Make sure to have protein
at every meal, a big portion, and leave the table when you are
satisfied, not stuffed. Learn the difference between the two.
Eventually, when and if you stall some, we can cycle your carbs, but
you are a ways away from that right now. I don’t want you hungry, and
I want you to have energy to train. Small changes, nothing drastic.”
“What about
cardiovascular training?” Mongo asked, “I hate cardio.”
“Then don’t do it,”
Randy said, “at least not in the traditional sense. Hit the heavy
bag, push the prowler some. Have fun with it, but don’t go crazy.
Don’t let it make inroads into your recovery from the weight
training sessions. It is really gaining muscle and cutting back on
your food, plus adding the protein in that will make the biggest
difference.”
As the weeks went by,
Mongo made fast progress. His shoulders and and arms blew up and his
legs were noticeably thicker. Even better was the fact that after
only 6 hard weeks of training, he was close to hitting new 5-rep
maxes in the squat, bench, deadlift, and press. His energy level was
way up and he felt like he was kicking life in the ass now, instead
of the other way around.
After a hard squat
session that Randy had joined in on, they drove over to the Clam and
assumed their usual position on the outside deck and ordered a bucket
of beer. “Just one bucket?” Lucille asked. “Y’all usually
order 2 at a time.”
“Mongo is watching
his figure,” Randy said. Lucille rolled her eyes and walked away,
shaking her head.
“Hey man,” Mongo
said, pointing his Coors bottle at Randy. “I want to thank you for
kicking my ass with this program. You really helped me out.”
“Don’t mention it,
brother. Now, don’t ever stop training. Work around your injuries
and always stay big and strong. There really is no other way to be.”
“I hear you man,”
Mongo said, “Never again. You know, I was thinking that maybe you
helped me out so much so that you could have the extra beers in the
bucket that were usually mine. You did cut me back to 2 beers a
night. That leaves 4 out of the 6 for you.”
“C’mon, man! I
wouldn’t do that to you,” Randy said, laughing as he unscrewed
the top of his third beer. “I was only thinking about your
training.”